Saturday, May 18, 2013

[Opinion Piece] Leagues and Bubbles...

I have a problem with the phrase “out of my league”. 

It just irks me to no end when people use it. I do not believe that any girl is better than any guy or any guy is better than any girl. Nobody is superior to anybody because the betters and the worses even out. Granted, not all people are created equal but that doesn’t mean anyone is better than anyone else in this world.

That being said I’m not claiming that everyone is completely compatible or that everybody is perfect. I would never claim that. Because that would mean I wasn’t allowed to dislike people. And boy do I dislike some people. What I am saying is that instead of there being these stairs where people are ranked and stocked above or below each other, I like to think of social life as empty space with a bunch of bubbles haphazardly floating around.

I may have lost you with “bubbles” but bear with me here.

These bubbles are always changing levels, bumping into each other, combining with each other, and doing all that bubble stuff. They aren’t some concrete thing, they’re fluid and evolving.

Now let’s take two stereotypical bubbles -

A guy who has spent three quarters of his life playing video games (we’ll go with Steve), and an athletic and very popular cheerleader (Tracy). Basic enough. The common things to say here are –

“She is so stuck up for not dating him, he’s a really nice guy.”
"She'll only ever date jocks."
“He’s never going to get her because she is out of his league.”
“He’s creepy and pale and only ever talks about how many headshots he got in COD. What is a COD anyway? A fish?”

The list can go on. The truth of the matter is yes, Tracy will
probably never date Steve. And why is that? Because she’s athletic, active, and she likes to try new things. He is not, he’s good at video games and he’d like to stick with that. If they tried to date it wouldn’t work out so hot. She would be bored out of her mind, or he would constantly be in a situation that makes him uncomfortable. Neither one of them is better than the other (one might be a tad healthier). They just don’t mix well. The bubbles pop.

Steve however really likes Tracy, so he decides to try out some of her interests. He starts to exercise and he goes out for sports. They meet and he still is the same guy, they just have something in common now. Maybe Tracey likes Steve and she decides to figure out what the heck a COD is. Bam! the relationship has twice the chance of surviving now. The bubbles have overlapped.

“But he/she had to change! He/she wasn’t being himself/herself!”

The all time most horrible, stupid, selfish advice ever for relationships is “Don’t change”. You want to date someone you sure as heck better be ready for some change. It’s called evolution kiddos, and it’s a good thing. I’m not saying be fake. Don’t ever be fake. You can change though. 

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that nothing is impossible. You can always get off your lazy butt and fight for things. Make things happen! You want to “play in the big leagues”, than go right ahead. 


[Goal] Time Capsule...

Dear Julie,

5 years from now I hope to see that you've accomplished your goals. I hope you’re not still sitting there waiting for them to happen. I hope you made them happen with blood, sweat, and tears. I hope that you have moved out and launched your own life. I hope that you are where you want to be (and I secretly hope it’s in Charleston because I’m in love with those brick kitchens). I hope you’re looking towards starting that restaurant of yours or that you already have and I hope it wasn't easy.

I hope you didn't listen to everyone else. I hope the path you took was different. I hope you got lot’s of disapproving glances. I hope people thought you were stupid and reckless. I can’t wait to prove them wrong like you probably already have.

I hope that you put off relationships until you were ready. If you are in one now I hope he was your best friend first. I hope that you are moving slow, caring more about the adventures you’re in and less about what the future will hold.  The future is a product of the now. If you’re miserable in the relationship marriage sure as heck isn't going to fix it.

I hope you’ve let go of the past. Holding onto all that garbage has done nothing for you at this point. I would hate to hear you’re still dealing with that baggage so far ahead in the future.

You’re coming up on your 26th birthday! Be happy, you still have so much life to live. If you were following the dreams I made for you than that life is going to be a solid adventure. If you’re on a different path though I’m sure it’s for the right reasons.

Though something to remember, I know it can be tempting but whatever path you choose make sure it’s a path that will lead you to God. The God you’ve known your whole life. There is nothing more important than that. Your happiness depends on it more than anything else. Nothing is worth having to sacrifice your principles. If for whatever reason you are floating around in the dark now, get out of it. Nothing you have done is so bad that God will not have you back. In fact he never really lost track of you in the first place. You lost track of him. I hope that’s not the case.

I hope your life is full of light and love and I hope it was unexpected. I hope you took risks and I hope the outcomes surprised you. I hope you’re not alone. If you are though, just realize that your family is always there. Also that in a way you’re lucky to be on your own. Because no one understands you like you do.

Remember who you are. Never stop learning. Never stop the adventure.