Wednesday, August 28, 2013

[Opinion Piece] The Friend Zone...

That inhospitable place where your manhood goes to die.

Stolen from Pinterest
Stop it. Just stop it.

So you meet a girl, you’ve been hanging out consistently a couple of times. You think she’s cute and she’s been reciprocating your flirting. So its time to take things to the next level right? Time to start dating so you can really get to know each other.

That my friends, is a load of crap. Read that again and tell me that doesn’t sound all kinds of backwards to you. So you’ve known a girl for a few days and now you want to commit to her? And you want her to commit to you? Actually a fairly high percentage of guys don’t really want that, they just want her to commit enough so they can have a little bit of fun and then they drop her and call her crazy, but that’s a post for another day. I actually want to talk to the so called “good/nice guys”. The few who actually do want a commitment after a couple of casual dates.

You’re almost as bad. Almost.

Tell me why the heck any girl should commit her heart to you after a couple of short days? How well does she know you? How well do you know her? I’ve had a couple guys who I started dating right off the bat and then a month later I found out they actually kind of annoy the crap out of me. I could have saved us both time, money, and frustration by just doing one simple thing. Friend zoning them.

Now let me tell you a few fun facts you don’t know about the “friend zone”.
  1. The friend zone has a very high level of influence and input.
  2. The friend zone is the place where you will see every side of the girl before having to commit to anything. 
  3. In the friend zone you oftentimes are not expected to pay for dinner.
  4. More can be accomplished in regards to a future and long lasting relationship in a long informal lunch than any dinner and movie date out there.
  5. The friend zone will allow you access too much more of the girl’s thoughts than she would express in relationships.
  6. Her parents will love you before they have to start worrying about your intentions.
  7. If you get yourself into best-friend zone you will be in her thoughts infinitely more than boyfriends, crushes, or anyone else for that matter.
  8. When she needs someone she will usually go to the friend, not the boyfriend.
  9. If you discover you really have no interest in listening to this girl for another second you can get out pretty easily by engaging the “fizzle” tactic (just lessening contact gradually).
  10.  You can help her get to know you in the most flattering light ever, the friend light. Because the whole infatuation thing gets old pretty fast when the crush has bad breath, only ever wants to make-out, never really listens, wants to move things too fast, starts telling the girl what to do.

Now does that place seem so bad? I’ll be honest. Friend zone can last a while (sometimes it actually will last forever, if you feel like that might be the case you are totally allowed to move right along and find another gal to court). It can take a couple years before the girl realizes that the nice-easy-nopressure-fun-slow-sweet love she feels towards you is actually the love she can’t live without. If you aren’t really interested in investing that time in her and you just want to get in and out then don’t bother. Drop that chick fast so you can both move on.

If you are however looking to be in for the long haul what harm will a year or two of delay be? You do realize that marriage is the ultimate friend zone? I mean yeah there’s sex too, but you are going to be listening to the girl; sitting around the house with her; seeing her without make-up; dealing with her little foibles. She’ll be getting mad at you; she’ll be crying on your shoulder; you’re going have to deal with her during that time of the month. These are things you would have already faced during a stint in the friend zone. Makes that first year a heck of a lot easier on you when you already know the girl in the first place, you already know how to handle all of this.

Friend zones also don’t have to last years, they can be as short as a couple months or even weeks. Just know that when it does happen you aren't out for the game. In fact you just got promoted to team captain, you’re pretty much calling the shots.  

Side Note: while in the friend zone make sure you're there for the right reasons. It will take some time before you realize whether or not your intentions are in the right place but when you realize they aren't then do yourself (and the girl) a favor and back down. Meaning, If you are in the friend zone and constantly bugging the girl (either in your head or out loud) about when you'll be out of it, how much you want her, and if you're constantly making moves on her then you aren't really fit for the zone. You aren't there for her you're there for you. That'll only ever lead to bitterness on both ends. If you can admit to yourself that your feelings for this girl aren't going away but you care too much to not be there for her they you are there for the right reasons. 

Now this is not how it will work for all girls. There are plenty of girls out there (especially in Mormon culture) who are ready for marriage right now. You won’t be getting friend-zoned. You’ll be on the fast track to marriage. That works for some people. Good for them. There are also girls out there who will friend one you and then start dating someone else. That can be frustrating too. Just know, you are in charge of yourself and if you can't deal with it then you can walk away at any time, or you can start dating another girl. Keeping that friendship there is up to you. You also might realize that the friend zone is where you want to be with this girl. She's a great friend and you love her, but you know that it's just never gonna happen. Well then you just got a friend. Not really a bad deal. 

So all you fellas and ladies out there complaining about the zone. Just take a deep breath, reevaluate where you are and decide what you want. The ball is in your court. It's your move. 



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