Thursday, September 4, 2014

[Goal] I didn't wear make-up on my wedding day...

I didn't lose all the weight, I didn't spend a million dollars on a dress, my sister did my hair, and nothing was fabulous. 

But everything was perfect. 

I am going to share something very personal with the world of my friends. Not because I want to brag but because I think maybe it might help someone one day.

I am a very self-confident and self-loving person, in what I like to think is a healthy way. I have pride in myself and I appreciate the things myself has done for me. However this was not always the case. Right around 14 I was introduced to the terrible thing called angst and the poison of drama and I was sad for a while. Though during this time I was also richly blessed with some of the best gals I could ever ask for. My friends and bridesmaids. Shout out to those gorgeous ladies.

This is not an uncommon story, So many other ladies out there have gone through the exact same thing! So many! And I won't dwell on the details. They are in the past, way behind me. But I do want to talk about one small detail.

After leaving for college and going through a handful of unhealthy relationships I developed a very unhealthy habit that was wracking havoc on me. An eating disorder called Bulimia. My path to recovering from that habit started with one definitive step. 

I stopped wearing make-up and I started loving myself again!
It was almost immediate. I am not even joking. I took off the nasty gunk that had convinced me for so long that I needed it to be beautiful, and I saw that I was. I'm not saying it was over. It took months and months of challenging recovery to completely put it behind me but I still can see the difference that one decision made towards my recovery. Since then I have had a few more run ins with the make-upstuff but am proud to say that I have been one hundred percent make-up free since April. And no Wedding beauty expectations were going to take that from me. 

So I didn't wear make-up. I let my face be. I smiled like I wanted to smile, I posed like I wanted to pose. My mom made me a beautiful and simple dress. One that was modest and temple like. It exemplified moderation, demureness, and simplicity. Something I am working on applying in my life. I let myself not care for a while what I looked like. And I let myself realize what exactly was really going on that day. 

I was sealed for time and all eternity to the love of my life. The man who made and still makes me whole. Who improves and completes me. My family was gathered around me, showering me in love and support. My friends of years and years had come and been a part of the event, hanging around in sweltering humidity just to see me come out of the temple. Just to be there with me. 

I was starting a beautiful and lovely eternal family and future.

And that's all that mattered.